On Flannel

You heard it here first:  FLANNEL IS THE SEXIEST THING ANYBODY CAN EVER WEAR.  EVER.

Yeah.  I know what your initial reaction is, but no means yes, so let’s just get on with it.  Listen up.  Now this is still a developing theory so let’s do the scholarly thing and treat it like a living body of knowledge.  It has the ability to change and morph and constantly improve, hopefully by means of collective contribution.  So as a preface to this well-researched information and to this well-tested theory, it is PinkBike’s understanding that, universally, flannel shirts are the sexiest thing a person can wear.  It applies to all genders and sexual preferences. 

So……before you start to argue and be a know-it-all pain-in-the-ass….. we are saying that if there is ONE (singular) article of clothing that looks absolutely BANGIN’ on everyone….. it is the flannel shirt.   This does not mean that a piece of flannel will make ugly people attractive…… but it does mean that it will make them more attractive. It will make everyone more attractive.  Flannel is the sexiest thing anybody can ever wear and here is why:

 1) The peacock effect.

We all know peacocks like to flaunt their shit.  Walking around with their bright feathers waving all about, attracting all sorts of mates….  Single birds just can’t help but be drawn to the eye-catching contrasts and creative patterns that their vivid colors show off.  And well…. are crazy-ass feathers and phenomenal shirt patterns really that different?  Single birds and single people are all just looking for love, right? Right.

2) The cuddle factor.

I’ve never met a flannel I didn’t want to hug.  And neither have you. Safe and cozy, soft and cuddly. Yes, yes, and yes.

3) Dudes in flannel look like hyper-masculine lumberjacks.  

My pants fell off just from typing that sentence.  Guys in flannel are irresistible.  And no, this isn’t just a matter of taste.  Lets face it my little fleet of feminist friends, at some level we all want some big strong macho manly man to take care of us…..and to build us a sturdy home out of freshly cut timber.  A scruffy beard and an axe… maybe some sawdust deodorant and the ladies are done for.  Paul Bunyan, I’ll be your big blue ox any day….or even just for the night….. or at least until you change your shirt.

4) Boys like it when girls wear flannel because it makes them think of the morning after sex when she’s wearing his clothes.

I don’t need to explain this.  You agree with me.

5) I don’t have an especially good reason for this last point but the LGBTQ community seems to really dig flannel.  Rainbows?  I don’t know…..but it’s true. Perhaps one of our followers can write in and theorize on this.  See…this blog is PARTICIPATORY!

So.  That’s what PinkBike has to say about flannel.  Resist now if you must but the next time that special garment catches your eye from across the bar........well….. we told you so.